Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Survivor

I auditioned for 'Survivor' the other day.  I can't imagine anyone not knowing what that is, but just in case...it's a 'reality' show where a group of people are purposely abandoned in the middle of nowhere (usually on a remote island in the tropics) to 'survive' and battle it out as tribes in challenges--voting the 'weak' out until at last one is left who wins a million dollars.  (whew, that was a sentence!) 


I love this show...I think I've seen every episode.  I've fantasized about being on the show, but can honestly say I've never wanted to actually be on the show.  So I was shocked when the thought came into my head-- "you should try out for Survivor"--and it sounded like a good idea!  I looked online, thinking maybe a casting call would be coming by sometime, and wouldn't you know it was that day--and just over and hour away from my house. 


I often think of these coincidences as nudges from God, even though past experiences have proven me wrong.  But were they 'wrong'--just because they didn't turn out the way I expected?  And this is where I can make myself nuts, trying to figure out what is and what isn't from God.  There is something to be said about believing all things come from God, and trusting in God being in control.  But...we know all our thoughts and the actions that result from those thoughts are not always from God; and what's more, we get ourselves in some awful messes when we follow some of these rabbit trails that lead us away from God.  But...can we ever really be away from God?  I mean, isn't He always with us? (Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?... If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139)  Jesus was lead by the Holy Spirit into the desert for the purpose of being tested, and of course there's also the story of Job.  Yes, the devil (or adversary) was the one doing the tempting and the tormenting...but none of it was out of God's control...in fact, it was God who set it up.  It's pretty tough to wrap your mind around.  Ultimately, this is how I'm dealing with it: 


1) I believe I'm here to learn...about myself and about God. 
2) God can use anything and everything to help me learn, and to transform me and teach me to love. 
3) Mistakes are ok...I don't need to fear them. God doesn't stop loving me when I mess up.  


So, I auditioned for Survivor.  Did God tell me to do it, or am I just on an ego trip?  Or maybe God told me to do it so He could show me I'm on an ego trip?  Ugh, I hate being humbled...but I'll keep going forward, believing either way I'm going to learn something and grow closer to God.