Thursday, August 28, 2014

Worry (soap journal #9)

S) Don't brag about tomorrow! Each day brings it's own surprises. Don't brag about yourself, let others praise you. (Proverbs 27:1-2)
O) The Bible says several times that we shouldn't brag or worry or generally over concern ourselves with tomorrow. Certainly it doesn't mean we can't ever plan or prepare, but it's hard to know where that line is. Also, verse 20 struck me...why is it so hard to be satisfied? Is it good or bad to always be striving for more? It seems to be saying it's bad, but yet I'm always feeling guilty about not striving for more.
A) To continue to look to and depend on God for my present happiness and my future well being.
P) God, help me to find that peace and balance I so long for. I want to live each day to it's fullest, without worrying about tomorrow. (soap journal originally written October 2004)

I can't think of one time in my life I didn't struggle with this idea of not worrying about tomorrow. Even now, as much as I believe God has showed me over and over that I can trust...I can't trust. I don't think about each day's "surprises"; I think about how tomorrow everything is going to go to hell in a hand basket, because I didn't do anything right. If your wondering what verse 20 says, here it is:

Sheol and destruction are not satisfied, And the eyes of man are not satisfied.

I'm finding this connection interesting...death and destruction, and the eyes of man that can never be satisfied. This constant clamoring the ego does to surround itself with accomplishments or stuff or whatever it is that will make it feel valuable can never be satisfied...and it's hell trying. But at the same time, isn't this part of what it means to have a human existence? We struggle to survive...are we really supposed to just sit around and wait for provision to fall out of the sky like manna? Maybe we are; I mean Jesus gave thanks for the bread and the fish and there was enough for everyone...more than enough. He taught us to pray for our DAILY bread, he pointed to the birds and asked why we worry so much about taking care of ourselves when the birds are free to live their lives without worry and still have all they need. Except I do see dead birds at times, right? Death keeps us worrying; but the fact is, death comes regardless. In the meantime, I really do want to know what it means to truly live...God, please show me.